It's the first week of August, which means teachers are beginning to think about the start of another school year. Parents are singing that one Christmas lyric, "And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again!"
Or is that just the song Ty and I sing on repeat this time of year?
Ready or not though, a new school year is beginning and if you are anything like me, you have a mix of emotions about it. I have anxiety mixed with more anxiety, and a small dose of excitement.
I'm anxious about sending my oldest to Junior High, which basically feels like I'm feeding him to the wolves. Seriously, I have yet to meet an adult who doesn't say that Middle School was the worst experience of their life!
I'm full of Mom Guilt that I didn't work more diligently with my struggling reader whom I fear will enter first grade with many learning gaps.
I mean, the list of worries goes on and on, as I'm sure yours does, too.
I simultaneously love this time of year! It always signaled a fresh start in my life, one where I got to begin new routines and embrace a more predictable schedule. The start of school always washed away the summer days, leaving a shiny newness that left me dreaming about the possibilities and opportunities that may come my way over the next ten months.
Perhaps that is why I became a teacher. There is something so comforting about the typical school schedule that I grew to love. It marks a passing of time in a way most careers do not.
Or perhaps my craving for organization and structure is my way of counteracting the anxiety that bubbles up this time of year.
Every August, I find myself craving organization and routines, which is like an oxymoron to someone with ADHD, but nonetheless, I work tirelessly each Fall to create a home environment where backpacks have a specific place to land and morning routines are well thought out.
Who am I kidding though. my plans always seem to fall flat by mid September, despite my nagging each day to keep my household running smooth. Try as I might, my ADHD brain can't keep up with the demands of living a structured and organized life, even though that's exactly what it craves.
This unfortunately won't be a post about how to live a completely put-together, organized life, as I have much to learn about that. I will, however, share what has worked for our family after many years of trial, error, and failure:
Simple Routines
Oh man, if I could show you the stack of planners I have sitting in my bedroom right now, you would be impressed. Rest assure, there is nothing impressive about this, as each planner sits mostly unused with only a few days filled out. There's a joke in the ADHD world that we keep buying new planners because we're convinced that "this will be the one. The planner of all planners that somehow transforms me into a person who has their shit together! I always have such high hopes for my new planner, but I have yet to find one that works for my ADHD brain. So, I’m embarrassed to admit how many routines we’ve tried in my family, but let’s just say I could write a book on how each one failed me in one way or another.
The only thing that has actually worked for us, is building habits. No routine, but good habits that we try to instill into our children so it becomes second nature. Habits are something you do often and regularly, sometimes without even thinking about it or knowing you are doing it.
Habits that we’ve formed are quite simple, but are time savers.
Locker System
We have a locker system where each kid has their own “locker” in the entryway. It took some time to train this habit into my four crazy ones, but I am happy to report that the moment they re-enter our house after school, they’ll go straight to their locker This is their drop spot, the place where all things live (and sometimes die.) I bought mine at Home Depot several years ago and love that it has doors to close away all the mess inside.
What I love about my locker system is that each kid has a specified hook for their backpack, another hook for their jacket, and shelf for their daily essentials like a hairbrush, hair ties, sunscreen, and other nik-naks.
(**I will insert a photo of my own locker system when I get a chance! I love mine)
Online Calendar
We also have a shared Google Calendar with all of the family members. I even went one step further and bought the Skylight Frame that syncs to my Google Calendar and also shows cute photos of my family when it’s not in use. I know most of you are already using some sort of digital calendar, but once Ty and I both began sharing calendar events with each other that were family related, it helped us really sync up our days and minimize any arguments or confusion about where the kids were supposed to be and when.
The Skylight calendar also gives my kids an easy way to see what the family happenings are while saving my sanity. Whenever they’d ask me for the umpteenth time what day such-and-such is happening, I’d simply say, “Go check the calendar.” They’d touch the frame that sits prettily on a shelf in the living room and my Google Calendar would pop up in an instant.
Simple Checklists
Finally, we have simple checklists for your kids to use in the morning and evening. I’ve tried many varieties of these and the only one that seemed to work was extremely bare bones and simple. I preferred to make my own so I could really personlize it for my child, and I found one that stuck to the bathroom mirror with blank lines for me to write my own checklist items. One word reminders seemed to be the most successful, especially for my little ADHDer.
Morning Checklist | Night Checklist |
Clothes (Underwear & Socks!) | Pajamas |
Breakfast | Teeth |
Teeth | Books |
Backpack & Water Bottle | Bed |
Lunch Hacks
Thank the Lord California voted to have school lunch free for every child K-12, saving us tons of money and giving us back countless hours of our lives.
We are blessed to attend a school district that also serves good quality foods that are not packaged or processed, but I know that is not the case at many schools. My kids will not always eat the hot lunch though and my youngest is still in preschool that does not provide any lunch at all, so I find myself still packing Bento boxes many days a week.
The Bento box was a game changer for us though, and I personally prefer these ones from Pottery Barn Kids. I’ve had ours for about 3 years now and they are still going strong. They wash easily, don’t leak, and the shape fits perfectly inside most lunch boxes.
Once I discovered the magic of Bento boxes, I was finally given full permission to fill those little nooks inside with anything and everything. A handful of this, a slice of that, and wham-bam, lunch is done! The best part is, they really allow me to stretch the foods I have on hand because i could literally go through my pantry and pull out the last few crackers from a box, the last handful of grapes from the fridge, fork out two pickles from a jar, and put the final slices of cheese and turkey I had in the package into the neatly arranged little boxes and it looked like the cutest kid-charcuterie lunch ever!
Schoolyear Sleep Routines
In my house, this is laughable. We are notorious for having the worst sleepers, probably because we are chronically overwhelmed and inconsistent when it comes to anything sleep training related. Without fail though, every single August, Ty and I get so excited about our plans for a new and improved sleep routine that we are sure will be a game changer.
They are not.
Bedtime in our home is something out of a comedy (or horror?) movie, and those who have seen it in action seem to have a look of both wonder and shock on their face.
As a teacher and the child psychologist, you would think we would have sleep routines locked down by now, but this process is still very much...well, in process. At times, in the middle of the chaos of getting four strong-willed creatures down for the night, we feel like have no idea what we are doing and all of our experience and expertise goes out the window. These moments of are humbling when it comes to parenting our own children, so hopefully that gives you all some solace knowing we are all failing at this parenting gig from time to time.
I wish I could bestow upon you a golden ticket of a bedtime routine, but alas, I do not. However, over the years, we have discovered a few things that work for our family.
I do have some gems to share...
Gem #1: Reading
I challenge each of you to take a deep look at your bedtime routines, because even if you think you are doing it all wrong, I can guarantee you are doing something well, something that works for your own family. It may not look like what you see on your friends Facebook page or what that parenting article recommended, but nobody knows your kid like you do and nobody knows the intricacies of your family like you do.
For my family, reading books together all cuddled up in the same bed is a routine that is unbreakable. It happens every single night, without fail, no matter how tired we are or how late it is. I have a slight obsession with children’s books, so every shelf in our house is crammed with them.
A book-filled home has countless benefits, and I’ve seen this in action. Since we’ve been reading books at bedtime ever since my kids were babies, they now have a Pavlovian response when they see the books on the bed and it signals to their brains that it is time to snuggle in for the night and calm down.
Reading a couple books to my children at night is probably my most treasured time with them each day. On the busiest days, it’s often the only time we get together as a family. As my oldest enters Junior High, this short moment of closeness I have with him each night is becoming even more special as I know my time is ticking with him. He will soon launch himself into a world that doesn’t really involve his dear old mom at all. It’s sad, but true.
The collection of children’s books I’ve accrued over the years is something I’m so proud of. I can’t seem to get rid of single one. If you are interested, these are among my favorites. (LInk here)
Gem #2: Just Love Them
I know, I know. This sound so cliche and obvious, but when Ty and I talked about what we’ve been most successful at as parents, this is the holy grail of it.
I don’t mean this in the “of course I love my kids” kind of way.
What I mean by Just Love Them is an emphasis on the THEM part.
Let them know, not so subtly, that you really see them, and that you truly accept them exactly as they are. I know, this is not an easy task, and I have to consciously try to do this every single day with every single one of my children.
Of course they drive me crazy, of course there are days when I wish they’d be better or different or kinder or more motivated. After all, it is every parents instinct to want our children to live up to their most full potential.
But I urge you, mamas and dadas, to take a deep breath and a good look at your child and see all of them. Take your own expectations off of them and allow their own uniqueness take shape and shine through.
I invite you to take the pressure off your children to be a certain way or act a certain way, because in doing so, you are taking the pressure off yourselves.
Tonight at bedtime, I had big plans and high hopes to begin our back-to-school routines. I felt motivated by the online articles I just finished about how to set your kids up for success and most of them mentioned beginning back-to-school routines about three weeks before the first day of school.
So, I announced with a calm confidence that it was time to go cuddle in the big bed because I was looking forward to reading stories together. I imagined obedient children who skipped happily down the hallway to dress in their pajamas and efficiently brush their teeth. I envisioned them all clean and calm and cozy in my bed, eagerly waiting for mom to read them a story.
I think you already can assume where this is headed, but alas, my plans blew up in my face and a literal screaming match ensued instead.
Yes, I stood my ground as Mom In Charge.
No, I did not stay calm or cool or consistent.
Instead, one kid amped up his energy by about 1,000 watts, another sat mezmerized by the You Tube Kids App she managed to sneak from my pocket, and the other whined that he was hungry and thirsty. I did manage to have one child follow my every direction without complaint, but that’s only 1 out of 4, or 25% of my kids, which isn’t good but at least it was a start.
So, I’ll spare you from the ugly details, but the evening ended up full of sweat and tears and if my inner demon got it’s way, there would have been blood as well.
By the time all four children were dressed for bed and teeth semi-brushed, I had not an ounce of energy left to read a book to them. I was frustrated and felt defeated and wanted nothing more than to be in my bed all alone.
Instead, I took a deep breath and took it all in. I saw the messiness, the chaos. I scooped up my six year old son in my arms and kissed his chubby little cheek, and I looked over to see Ty with our oldest son in the crook of his arm. The girls were half-fighting, half-giggling.
Ty looked up at me and said, “See, our family has hard moments but at the heart of it is just love.”
Truer words have never been spoken, and I found myself getting a flashback to when we were first beginning to have struggles as new parents. I asked Ty what we should do about their behavior, how we could “fix” them. His response was just three words that I’ll never forget.
Just Love Them.
So, fellow parents, regardless of whether you are a Routine Rockstar or a Mediocre Planner like myself, the best way you can prepare your family for the impending school year is to keep it simple to keep be you sane, and for goodness sake, do not compare your own routines and habits to anyone else.
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